Escapay versus The Horned King

[Escapay]

An imaginary interview with The Horned King, as we discuss his post-TBC career, tomatoes, and who he's kept in contact with from the film...

Hi, and welcome back to "Escapay versus..."! With me today is a very special guest. He escaped from the cauldron to do this interview, it's the one and only...Horned King!

Yes, it is I, the HORNED KING!

(The Elmer Bernstein score suddenly plays for a few bars, then silences as eerily as it started.)

So, Horns, what have you been doing since The Black Cauldron was released 25 years ago?

It's been 25 years? Where has the time gone?

Well you know what they say: time flies when you're having fun.

I wouldn't call telemarketing a "fun" time.

That's what you've been doing?

Initially, after the movie tanked. It killed my career, I couldn't find many jobs, and so for awhile I had to do telemarketing.

What was that like?

At first, very upsetting. I was a Horned King, for crying out loud. I didn't like selling office supplies over the phone. I often would say to no one in particular -- since they all ignored me over there -- that if I hear one more toner joke, I'll kill myself. But we did have Casual Fridays.

What's that like?

I would just come into work in sweats and sneakers, and take off my horns. They get in the way of the headset, and so Fridays are a bit better.

Why not just take off your horns every day?

I'm the HORNED King! I'm nothing without my horns!

True, true. So when did you get out of the telemarketing business?

Around '88 or '89, I don't really remember when. I had returned to my roots as a farmer, and I loved it. Every weekend I'm out in the farmer's market. My tomatoes often win the top prize at county fairs. I've had offers to go national, to turn Horned King's Home Foods into a brand. But I like keeping it local. I've got a great clientele that recognize me for my prize vegetables and homemade pies.

That sounds great. Do you ever get recognized for your film roles?

Initially, I didn't. This was the 90s, our movie was more-or-less hidden by the company. But when the VHS and DVD came out, I started getting some attention. One of my regulars remarked "You're THAT Horned King?" They couldn't believe I ever played such a ruthless character.

Has the newfound popularity affected your business?

Not really. Most of my customers know me as Horned King, the Farmer. They don't really care that I was in a movie. My vegetables give me a better reputation. It's like how Creeper has his bakery.

Tell us more about Creeper and his bakery.

He started it up in Palo Alto. After a nasty fall on the set of Critters 3 he retired from acting. I took a vacation to San Francisco a few years ago and visited him on the weekend. His banana bread is to die for. I think he was in talks with Food Network to film a special there. Though it may end up just being another stupid Throwdown with Bobby Flay.

Not a fan of Bobby Flay?

I dislike the concept. A world-renowned chef hears of a local person's recipe for something, and comes in claiming he can do better. Talk about ego.

It's all in good sportsmanship.

Perhaps. But usually his version of a recipe seems inferior to me.

Let's move on from Bobby Flay.

Gladly.

Have you seen much of the rest of the cast?

I haven't seen Taran since we did the movie. He kind of distanced himself from all of us, and all of Hollywood. Lonny told me that he teaches high school Calculus in his hometown.

Lonny is Eilonwy, I presume?

Yep, "dear little Lonny" I call her. Her career hasn't suffered as much as mine. Almost immediately after The Black Cauldron, she got a job as a stand-in on "She-Ra: Princess of Power" and then continued on as a stunt woman in various shows. She got me some work on "He-Man" as a stunt man, but I didn't like it much. Eventually I gave up acting altogether and ended up in telemarketing, then of course my farming.

Do you see Eilonwy often?

She and I are in the same bowling league, and we've won a few championships. Her oldest daughter graduated from CalTech a few years, actually. The graduation party allowed us to catch up with most everyone. Fflewduur, Gurgi, Joe Hale, even some of the animators were there. I met up with Glen Keane and he discussed a possible cameo in his Rapunzel movie.

That sounds awesome. Did you get to do it?

Unfortunately, no. It conflicted with harvest time, and I couldn't leave the farm to my nephews and workers for a couple weeks to go shoot a less-than-2-minute scene. The whole movie ended up getting re-purposed or whatever anyway, and my small part got cut. Last I heard they changed the name.

It's called Tangled now.

What a stupid name. But it's Glen's baby, and I'll be at the premiere to show my support for him. He personally invited me, you know. Not like the company would even bother...

Do you still attend Disney functions?

I used to. I was a consultant for the Imagineers when they developed the Cinderella Castle Villains Tour, over in Tokyo. And I tried the Disney convention circuit for awhile. But eventually, I just shied away from my Disney connection. It hasn't helped me much at all, and now whenever they use my character in anything else, it's often just an impersonator because they don't bother calling me anymore.

Sounds like you have a grudge against Disney.

I wouldn't call it a grudge. Just a mutual lack of respect. I used to get a standard Christmas card from them, but those stopped years ago. They've more or less shafted our film to the public. There's hardly any promotion, hardly any merchandise. You know I only found out about the new DVD when I saw it on the store shelf? They didn't bother to consult anyone for any new retrospectives or anything.

Yes, that was upsetting.

I mean, we had this really great gag reel that they played at the wrap party. You know, stuff like Taran forgetting a line or me tripping down the stairs. And there was a priceless improvised banter between Fflewduur and Orwen that they did specifically for the gag reel. You won't see that stuff since Disney isn't aware it exists. We've got loads of home movies and production material they could use.

What else is there?

Well, in the earliest stages, I was going to have a song called "O Cauldron, My Cauldron." It would have been the very first of what they now call the "villain songs". Bernstein wrote the music and I actually worked on the lyrics. It added more depth to my character, explained why I wanted the cauldron. We did a demo, it had this minstrel quality to it, which was appropriate as there is a minstrel in the film. Ron Miller loved it, and we set to work on adding a few minstrel songs for Fflewduur. But when the changing of the guard came in 83/84, Katzenberg was brought in and he didn't think a villain would stop what he's doing to sing a song, and so it got cut. I still have the demo somewhere, along with some early storyboards drawn for it.

I didn't know you did work as a lyricist.

I'm a jack of all trades, kid. In high school I had the lead in 42nd Street.

That sounds amazing.

You bet it was.

So what else did you have from the production of The Black Cauldron?

We had some alternate storyboards for about half the scenes, even some material for potential sequels to the film. There's plenty of things that everyone saved from the film, we all believed in it and knew it was worth saving. Instead, that half-assed DVD that came out just has a deleted sequence and some games.

And a new transfer.

That's about the only thing they got right on that release.

Maybe when the film comes to Blu-Ray they'll interview you.

Maybe. But I'm not holding my breath.

Well, Horned King, it looks like our time is almost up.

So soon? That's upsetting.

Before we go, I've got my standard set of questions that I simply must ask...

So long as I don't get graded on it...

Don't worry, you won't.

Okay, fire away.

What's your favorite type of pie?

Mincemeat.

Have you ever seen a squirrel dance?

Yes. I often leave some roasted acorns out on my farm, and the squirrels do a little dance in gratitude.

Would you ever float around on a cloud and drop water balloons on people?

Do I look like an immature teenager?

Boxers or Briefs?

Frilly pink panties.

WHAT?!?

Haha. Just kidding. I wear boxers.

Who's your favorite Mouseketeer?

Darlene.

Do you believe in Ghosts?

Doesn't everybody?

Favorite song to sing in the shower?

"Brown Eyed Girl"

Slipcovers: Yay or Nay?

NAY!!!!

Who invented post-its?

I don't know, but I'm obsessed with them. My refrigerator is covered in multi-colored post-its.

Finally, one more question. In ten words or less...what do you think of the company today?

Stop being ashamed of our film!

Thanks so much for taking the time to do this interview, Horned King!

You're welcome! I'm glad to have done it!

And that's all the time we have today, folks. Tune in next time when I interview Princess Aurora!



The "Escapay versus..." Series:
Escapay versus Walt Disney Home Entertainment
Escapay versus Walt Disney in the Great Beyond
Escapay versus Mickey Mouse
Escapay versus The Lace Collar
Escapay versus The Horned King
Escapay versus Princess Aurora - coming soon
Escapay versus The Members' Choice! - coming soon, details to follow

Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. I don't know if The Horned King ever worked as a telemarketer or if there really is such a song as "O Cauldron, My Cauldron". Everything that "The Horned King" says is a fictional depiction of him.

albert

[Flanger-Hanger]

Once again Scaps you have done a great interview, though I could help but think the King's responses to your questions would largely be "DO NOT INSULT ME WITH SUCH QUESTIONS!" (in a John Hurt voice of course). Glad to see it was much more insightful than that.

Looking forward to what Aurora has to say.

[Elladorine]

I'd heard about the Food Network thing for Creeper, but that it fell through. All that seems to remain from the whole fiasco is this publicity still:



It's too bad I never really knew the cast members from The Black Cauldron with the exception of Lonny, but that's because it used to be such an obscure film. I hope things continue to go well with The Horned King with his farming; I do love his tomatoes.

[SillySymphony]

Can't get enough of these! Keep 'em comin'!

(By the way, I got TBC DVD and was pleasantly surprised at the quality and brightness of the picture.)

[REINIER]

Marvelous, yet again

I really enjoyed the telemarketing bit

keep up the good works scaps!

[Disney Duster]

I thought the bits about him and Eilonwy on She-ra and He-Man were hilarious! Though I do not know who you are referring to in She-Ra (never saw it), I do know you mean Skeletor for Horny!

It's too bad I never really knew the cast members from The Black Cauldron with the exception of Lonny, but that's because it used to be such an obscure film. I hope things continue to go well with The Horned King with his farming; I do love his tomatoes.

Who's Lonny? Did they have a walk around character for him or something?

[Elladorine]

I did some digging around and found this.

Who's Lonny? Did they have a walk around character for him or something?

That's Eilonwy's nickname.