Thank you so much for bumping this thresd, UmbrellaFish!
And it sounds like you've got a good grip on this; the commitment it takes to get healthier is definitely worth it..
I can understand the apprehension of participating, but I'm glad you're here now. People are so often shamed for it, even though there's nothing to be ashamed of. I'm cheering for ya!
It's amusing for me to read my old posts in this thread, as things have completely changed for me since then!
About a month after my son was born, I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. Given how I was acting and feeling, it was a relief; that meant I was going to get help. My OBGYN put me on medication right away and scheduled me with a therapist and psychiatrist. And in the following months, I was diagnosed with GAD (which I'd long suspected) and OCD (which surprised me). During all this I pushed myself with my training and ran my very first 5k. No walking, all running.
I was so proud of myself! Right around then I got to my lowest adult weight ever, 203, which was twelve pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight! I was so, so close to reaching the next BMI category. But I started running out of steam as I began to focus on my mental health, which was pretty taxing.
I've found it difficult to talk at times, but at my worst my anxieties were so bad I became agoraphobic; I wasn't able to leave the house on my own, not even out to the sidewalk to get the mail. Driving was especially difficult at times. I was constantly filled with dread, and anything sudden or unexpected would send me into a panic attack, even something as simple as the phone ringing or someone knocking on the door. Imagine living in constant fear that anything you do has horrible repercussions; this was my existence for months and even years on end. Living in this state actually goes back well into my childhood, and many of the events I experienced growing up and beyond amounted into a "perfect storm" of anxieties.
Actually, think Elsa.
And funny enough, when we were seeing Frozen for the first time there at the theater, I had not been diagnosed with any of this and I found myself gasping, knowing very well how Elsa was trying so hard to overcome her issues just long enough to get through that coronation without losing it. I knew what it was like to always be on the verge of losing it. And before the film ended, I went into labor!
My fears and anxieties are why I ended up hiding behind an online persona in the past. And healing is why I changed my handle and finally started associating my artwork and posts with my real name, Karen.
Unfortunately, as I worked through these issues in the heat of summer, it was just too difficult to keep running or even walking (it was often still over 100 degrees well after
sunset). And with my OCD getting better, it actually made it much more difficult to stick with my health goals. I had trouble making myself care enough to work for it, especially when I had to swap my weekly weight loss meetings for a weekly group session. I was diagnosed with depression mid-summer, and by the end of last year I gained back 40 pounds.
But fear not! With a healthier, more balanced state of mind along with further treatment I started a new regiment in January, reminding myself that I have to be a healthy mom for my little guy. And unfortunately, I got some kind of lung infection (which has triggered my asthma). I've been sick since mid-December, but it didn't get really bad until February. I'm still sick now, but feel like I may be able to join the human race again soon as I'm slowly improving. I've lost over ten pounds this year; not as much as I'd hoped for at this point, but not bad considering I've had days I can barely get out of bed. I have to start from square one again to getting running, but I'm ready to start training again once my lungs clear up. In the meantime I'm trying to get more walking in, but I'm nowhere near the level I was at last year.
Regardless, I'm thankful I'm not always so terrified anymore. I feel like I can handle anything thrown at me consciously and rationally instead of being constantly overwhelmed and wanting to curl up into a little ball. It's awesome (yet strange to me!) that I don't cry over every little thing; I mean, even way back in grade school I was labelled a crybaby. I wish I had been diagnosed with GAD and OCD back then; every little aspect of my life has gotten better since I've gotten treatment. It makes me all the more sympathetic to those with mental health issues and even more angry about all the stigmas that surround it.
My baby is already 15 months old, running around like crazy. It's a lot of work just to keep up with him, lol. But I love him like crazy.
I need to make sure I'm a healthy, active mommy, and I'm hoping I have a good grip on getting there once again.