I know how you feel Pap,
It's been 6 months since I had this herniated disc which is quite literally, driving me to insanity and places I've never been and am afraid of. Also I'm worried about my future, if I'm stuck with this, and this negativity of some local doctors driving me to my insanity even further. My family tells me I show signs of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I've never felt so crazy and in so much pain. It hurts my back to talk, eat, sleep, stay awake, drink, stay calm, not lose it, not panic, or obsess over stuff. All my life, the doctors in my life I could trust and turn to, and now that part is falling apart, along with myself. I'm not giving up, I gotta keep going and the only thing is, my faith in Jesus, my family, distraction of watching movies, especially Disney, and most of all, posting stuff on the internet and on this site with so many friends.
Also trying to stay positive helps. I tell myself that. I'm going to get better, I have faith in Jesus, my family, and my future since then since I got excommunicated from the local doctor center, that it has strengthened me. If I were still seeing the doctors who decided to send me a certified letter, saying they are dropping me because I don't trust them, not even giving me the courtesy to talk face to face, and they just throw me out. They wouldn't even agree to talk to me about it, they just shunned me. The Spine Center that's an hour away was a joke, both times. One doctor said that they couldn't tell if I was in "REAL" Pain, another doctor talked to me like I was deaf. I wanted to scream at her and wanted to clarify that I'm Autistic, not DEAF. The second doctor also asked me the 2 most odd words I've ever heard from a doctor. When the doctor went to shake my hand, the doctor asked if it was okay if she touched my hand
and if I knew what an Oreo cookie was...
Because of them, assholeness-like behavior, I've got more smart doctors right now that I've not had for about 8 years. Also I was dying in March due to my belly ulcertive colitis. They took me off my ulcertive colitis pills for from July of 2011, to May 2012. I had a diagnoses of having ulcertive colitis/Crohn's disease, but they wouldn't believe me, so they took me off my pills, and even when I started to get worse and lose weight, at one point 10 pounds a week, they cheered. I was glad I was losing weight, but there was no explanation for it, and in turn I was dying. Luckily a sleep doctor sent me to the right doctor that my primary refused to send us to, and because the sleep doctor did, he got in trouble, got me excommunicated, and in turn, saved my life.
I will be over this, in time, and am not alone. And know you are not alone either.
Also just to clarify, I'm not leaving, I'm just letting pap know he's not alone in his thoughts. I might post this in my status quo thread, since it's hard to retype it, and hurts.