The Universe has stomped on me thread. Rant or clear the air

[Dr Frankenollie]

Where do live Ollie, cause I think I can explain this if I know where you live.

Well, I don't live in America, so I'm not sure if you can explain it...

[Goliath]

To address the second question though, I don't really see how sharing an apartment would make her dependent on me.

Well, like you said: she can't make rent unless she's living with someone else, and if she's going to live with a man with whom she's also in a relationship, this makes her dependent on him, because without him, she wouldn't have a place to stay. And like you said: if you break up, she will still be living there. And if the lease is on your name, she's dependent on your good will not to kick her out. Right now, she's staying with an abusive guy because she has no other place to go to. The same will happen if she goes to stay with you. Even though you will only be good to her, it's essentially the same situation.

I'm not saying this to pass judgement, or to 'warn' you or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I have no opinion on it, because I'm not involved and I don't know you or the girl, so I couldn't care less. But those were two questions that entered my mind that *I* would ask *myself* and I thought maybe you would want to give them some consideration as well. Or not. Whatever you like to do.

[Super Aurora]

Where do live Ollie, cause I think I can explain this if I know where you live.

Well, I don't live in America, so I'm not sure if you can explain it...

Ah then I can't. I was thinking you lived in America South as what you described seems to be like those type of people.

[slave2moonlight]

Well, like you said: she can't make rent unless she's living with someone else, and if she's going to live with a man with whom she's also in a relationship, this makes her dependent on him, because without him, she wouldn't have a place to stay.

Well, yeah, but that's a standard roommate situation, really. Generally speaking, it's hard to have a decent apartment without a roommate. But, she wouldn't be dependent upon me beyond the way one is dependent upon a roommate to, say, get their half of the rent in on time. I don't think that falls into her being truly dependent on me, and it's not something I think a person should feel they have to wait for before dating someone. I mean, to say I should wait till she can afford an apartment without a roommate before I date her. Times are hard and that's a bit extreme. I'm just addressing the dependency issue here though, and trying to say she wouldn't be any more dependent on me than any other roommate.

And like you said: if you break up, she will still be living there. And if the lease is on your name, she's dependent on your good will not to kick her out. Right now, she's staying with an abusive guy because she has no other place to go to. The same will happen if she goes to stay with you. Even though you will only be good to her, it's essentially the same situation.

I kinda think the fact that I'm not abusive will make a huge difference, for her at least. Granted, it wouldn't be a great situation for me if we move in together and then break up, but that's a risk you take moving in with anyone. Even if you aren't in a relationship but just find you don't get along.

I'm not saying this to pass judgement, or to 'warn' you or anything like that. As a matter of fact, I have no opinion on it, because I'm not involved and I don't know you or the girl, so I couldn't care less. But those were two questions that entered my mind that *I* would ask *myself* and I thought maybe you would want to give them some consideration as well. Or not. Whatever you like to do.

No, I understand where you're coming from. Like I said though, it's not a situation of limitless options. I am not pushing her to move in with me because it's the wisest thing in the world, but because it's a better option for her than living with someone dangerous, and because I care about her, I don't want her to be there with him. And even if he weren't dangerous, because I'm in love with her, I'd prefer she live with me than with an ex.

[Disney Duster]

Dr. Frankenollie, sorry those people are like that to you, you shouldn't get that treatment. But stupid jackholes will be stupid jackholes. I'm also sorry you don't seem to have friends who like the very good movies you like. I would think if you found theatre or art or band students you may find the kind of people who appreciate those good movies.

Slave2moonlight, well it sounds like things are getting much much better with this girl! And I'm so glad you made your move! I heard it's nice to ask girls before you kiss them. I'd rather do it in the moment if I could read that the other person wants it, but I don't think that works or really happens all the time lol. It may happen to you with her sometime though. I continue to wish you good luck.

I understand that as a reflective person, and I am too, that you may feel sad a lot if you found the right person very late. But I suppose I would just try to act as I did when I was younger and very happily tell the one I love how I missed them and all the lonely times I had. You will have someone to cry and share with, with in itself is great. At least I think so. But I get why you won't be so happy if you find someone very late.

I think it is generally true that you find the best person later in life rather than younger. I was being very general there.

As for the Beauty and the Beast thing...I didn't mean she was falling in love with first sight, I was saying that something she saw in her sight was what made her know he was her love. It was a look in his eyes. And I was saying that same principle of her feeling love because of the look in his eyes she could see might be the same principle for how you are able to fall in love by sight period and thus also by first sight.

The closest thing to your desire to have your true love also be someone you got to know when you were little is that I wish I could have been there for the guys I like when they were little, whenever they were sad or needed someone, etc. I'd love to go back in time to do things like that, but healing over past sadness can happen at anytime in the future, and when it happens it is going to feel so good.

I also did not intend that you necessarily pay someone for sex, lol. I meant that there are people out there who, well...f buddies, one night stands, whatever. Now, I know that you said you don't think your attractive but damnit there are tons of people out there who'd be attracted to you and I just can't believe you hadn't had a kiss or someone to hold before. You never did this with any girls you dated? I just don't get how someone with such a libido has never done any of that even with someone they didn't like that much. I've kissed and held guys that I didn't like very much, and that I didn't find very attractive at all, just because kissing and holding someone is great with someone nice enough.

[slave2moonlight]

I meant that there are people out there who, well...f buddies, one night stands, whatever.

Well, these are easier for some people to acquire than others, actually, ha.

Now, I know that you said you don't think your attractive but damnit there are tons of people out there who'd be attracted to you and I just can't believe you hadn't had a kiss or someone to hold before. You never did this with any girls you dated?

I haven't really dated hardly at all. Honestly, I have always been turned down by everyone I asked out before this girl. And in her case, we talked a long time online before going out, as we met through a personals site. I also usually get rejected on personals sites every time too, but in her case we had a lot in common. The one other time I met a girl through a personals site, she rejected me after meeting me due to finding me too unattractive physically.

I just don't get how someone with such a libido has never done any of that even with someone they didn't like that much. I've kissed and held guys that I didn't like very much, and that I didn't find very attractive at all, just because kissing and holding someone is great with someone nice enough.

Well, I have always wanted to have more meaning to it than to have one night stands or even dates with someone I wasn't interested in. Though there still have been plenty of girls I've liked. It just has never been mutual. Of course, I am at a point now that I probably would go for things like one night stands or meaningless fooling around in general if I wasn't in love and still holding out hope for this girl. But, like I said, it can be hard to find anyone who wants to do that stuff with you, especially girls, I think. I mean, unless you're willing to be with someone you're completely not attracted to maybe, but there's a certain point where I can't do it, ha.

[Disney Duster]

Hm...that's why I said I did some romantic physical contact with guys I didn't like very much or find that attractive, because...I was wondering if you only go after girls who you find very physically attractive so...then I could see why you haven't gotten much "action" if that's all you go after!

So if you're sad over not getting much action, and the reason is because you feel you muct be very attracted to them, then maybe you need to let that go of that high standard to get some. But if that's not the case, then good, as long as you're not sad. In any case, I hope you get action soon with this girl you like! I don't necessarily mean "action" as in "all the way" lol.

[slave2moonlight]

Hm...that's why I said I did some romantic physical contact with guys I didn't like very much or find that attractive, because...I was wondering if you only go after girls who you find very physically attractive so...then I could see why you haven't gotten much "action" if that's all you go after!

Whoa, Duster, I enjoy talking to you, but please stop putting words in my mouth that make me sound like a superficial jerk, ha. I never said I only go after girls I find "VERY physically attractive". In fact, finding someone attractive or unattractive doesn't always imply the purely physical side of it. And I haven't really been whining about not getting action here. I'm not sure how you got that impression. It's just something that came up in conversation, but I don't really WANT to get "action" from someone who means nothing to me.

[Disney Duster]

I said I was just "wondering". I'm glad to know that what I wondered is not the case. Yea you weren't really that sad about it, I guess I just thought you might be. Sorry. I enjoy talking to you too.

[Dr Frankenollie]

Dr. Frankenollie, sorry those people are like that to you, you shouldn't get that treatment. But stupid jackholes will be stupid jackholes. I'm also sorry you don't seem to have friends who like the very good movies you like. I would think if you found theatre or art or band students you may find the kind of people who appreciate those good movies.

Thank you Duster.

[Goliath]

@ slave2moonlight: did you get my PM? I'm fairly certain I send it, but when I checked both my Outbox and Sentbox, it didn't show up, so maybe I did something wrong?

[blackcauldron85]

I've been busy with school and just now read most of this thread, everything I had missed the past few months.

We have a bunch of brave people here! Life isn't easy, but to "keep on truckin'" is something to admire.


I did want to say that EW, I had read on Facebook about your miscarriage, and I just had no words. I can't even imagine going through something so sad. I hope that you're doing well now, and I'm sorry I never gave any words of condolensces then.

CJ, Nathan, PF2006, and Mark- I also think that what you all have gone through has been difficult and frustrating, too. I wish I had words of encouragement to give. I think you're all brave and troopers, and I'm glad you haven't lost hope.

Disney Duster, I really liked reading about your love-at-first-sight thoughts. I don't know if I believe in that for myself, but I just liked reading your thoughts!

Pap, you've always seemed like a great guy, so it's sad to read that you've had problems with your friend, and I know we've talked a little about it before. I really like your spirit- you don't let what others think hold you back, and I admire that.

[slave2moonlight]

Goliath: I got it, thanks! Very funny, very sad, and very true. Sorry, I've been meaning to reply about that. Of course, I would have had to do it here anyway, as I can't do pm's for whatever reason.

BlackCauldron85: Thanks, and sorry that I never replied to that e-mail you sent. I still meant to. I have just been so caught up with various things...

Anyways, sad update on my situation with the girl I'm in love with. Oh, first off, last time I talked about this, I mentioned my sister, whom I've been staying with, had to move to the other side of town. I accidentally typed that I'm "not pretty far away from her" in regards to how close I am to the girl I love at this point. That was a typo. I meant to say I am "NOW pretty far away from her." We are actually in another town just North of Austin. It's at least a 37 minute drive when traffic is decent. Still, I am trying to get myself a job and apartment closer to town again. Being here in my sister's new place is like being back at home with my mother. Just another small town. This area is super nice and safe, but it's all families, not single people. Of course, in the city it's not much better since all the girls are tattoo riddled, which is an instant turn-off for me, and I never have enough in common with anyone, and most are college students and consider me too old to date (besides considering me too fat). Kiki would never admit it, but it seems she had the same two issues with me. I say this because, when we were actually together in person, we got along SOOO well, and we really were two of a kind. We should have both fallen instantly in love, but only I did. And, I can't totally blame her for that, because looks do count for something. I just wish she didn't string me along. Granted, she tried to end it with me a few times, but she was equally responsible for us always coming back together.

Of course, I say "end it" loosely. We never were officially in a relationship, but she knew that was what I wanted, and many times she seemed into it too. Physically though, all we did was kiss that one time, just a closed-mouth goodnight kiss, which was my first kiss ever. Would have kissed more, but that date two weeks ago was the last time I ever saw her. But, to give an example of what I mean about it not being ONLY me who kept things going along, she twice tried to get together with me to hang out that week that followed that date. However, the first time was moving day for us (which she knew but said she just forgot), and the second time she just wanted to come over for a little while to work on a project but didn't realize how far away I am now... Even though I am always the one who comes and picks her up and drops her off, and I was still willing to do that. Anyways, the weekend, one would thing, would give us both time to get together, but I could hardly get in touch with her. I tried to make plans for Valentine's Day, and again, she only texted me a couple times, never saying for sure that she would be available. I had gotten us tickets to a movie show she wanted to see. I also bought her some candy, roses, a stuffed, talking Pepe Le Pew (she loves him) and a card with Pepe and Penelope (who remind me much of she and I, and she even is a girl who relates to cats the way I relate to wolves, so I call her Kitty). Anyways, I kept trying to get confirmation from her as V-Day approached, but she wasn't answering, and finally, she texted me that she couldn't see me today, but that we should get together soon, because she had something important to discuss with me. That was something I had heard from her before, and it was never a good thing. I asked her for a hint so I wouldn't be worried. She said that a childhood friend had shown up. I put two and two together there. She was telling me that she had a new boyfriend. Now, she is not from around here, so I don't believe the childhood friend bit. Honestly, her excuses whenever she canceled dates on me in the past or wanted to stop seeing each other, they were always very fake sounding, but I trusted her. This time, I don't know if I even believe she has a new boyfriend, but that part is very possible. She always told me she had to know a guy for a long time to get into a romantic relationship with him, which is why she wanted to take things slow with me. This was hard to believe since the guy she lives with she didn't know for that long. So, I wouldn't be surprised if this is just another guy she met recently at school, or if she's back with her ex, and that's if she does have a new boyfriend at all. She didn't confirm that, but she didn't deny it when I told her, "I get the picture. We don't have to meet up to talk about it." I didn't really feel like meeting up and buying her dinner again, just to get the brush off for the third or fourth time, literally. So, I just saw the movie by myself, then went to her place and left her Valentine's gifts by her front door, which I told her I'd do. I was really hoping to get some sort of Valentine card or candy or something from her today. That would be a first for me too, ha.

Anyways, I know everyone thinks I'm an idiot for carrying things on for so long with this girl, but I have never met someone who had very many things in common with me (which is very important to me), nor who was so sweet (I am maybe just reporting the bad stuff, but in person this girl is soooo sweet, we clicked so well), nor who had all these other traits and styles and interests that I totally loved. I've said it before when she ended things with me in the past, but I sincerely don't see how anyone could follow this girl. The only problem was that half the time she was very into being with me, and the other half of the time she was totally the opposite. It was like trying to date two different people, but the only difference was that one liked me and the other didn't, and everything else about them was perfect. But what made it extra hard was that when we were together in-person, she was always in the liking me mode. And, I know there were lots of reasons I should have ended this because it was clear she wanted to, but there were a ton of indications that she wanted us to be together too. The last time she sent me away, she really seemed to regret it and seemed to want to see me again. But... that didn't last long. It's been really frustrating, but I didn't want to lose her, because, what can I say, she was literally my dreamgirl, all except for not wanting me half the time.

But, another reason I always tried to stick with it was that she often said she was slow to warm up to people, and she would ask me to be patient with her, and to have faith in her and that she wanted to see me, and stuff like that. I tried very hard to always keep those requests in mind. It wasn't that hard since I love her so much. She always blamed most of the canceling of our dates that she did on being having an extreme social anxiety. She never seemed she when we were together though. At least not with me. We always chatted up a storm, which surprised me, because I have a lot of social anxiety/shyness too. Probably more than her, now that I reflect on the situation.

Bottom line, there were lots of signs that she just wasn't into me, but even she was quick to provide excuses for those signs that made it seem like maybe I just needed to be persistent and patient. That's what I've tried to do, and I would have continued, too, as frustrating as it often was to be canceled on over and over again, but this time I don't think I'm ever going to see her again, and that really does kill me. Despite how she felt or didn't feel about me, I am very much in love with her.

[Disney Duster]

Disney Duster, I really liked reading about your love-at-first-sight thoughts. I don't know if I believe in that for myself, but I just liked reading your thoughts!

Thank you. I'm glad you sound like you "got" them, lol. By the way I'm very glad to see you back so much! Something tells me you have your own stories to tell...

Slave2moonlight, I am so, so, so sorry about you and this girl. I really am. And no we do not think you're an idiot at all. Even though I was trying to give you doses of the negative possibilities so you wouldn't be with something bad for you, I was really hoping and rooting for you and her because it still sounded possible.

If anything, you were very smart, because you stuck around for what sounded like a possible good girl when things looked good, and you left at the perfect time when things were obviously bad. If I had been you, I wouldn't have just inferred she had a boyfriend. I would have said that if she wanted to talk, then we would. I would have perhaps gone dutch on our meal, and had that confirmation that their was no chance for us and no place in her heart for me. I know that it's pretty obvious that is the case, but I would have gotten that final confirmation. Maybe in an E-mail you can ask her about her life, or what she wanted to talk about.

Like I was earlier...I am rather mad at this girl for stringing you along. It almost feels to me like she used you for some attention when she was around you and that was all. I'm sure she liked spending time with you but I still feel she was trying to get something from you for a little bit while she would never give you anything back, let alone her heart. I am so glad you finally left her.

So her name was Kiki. Was she Asian? I didn't know you liked that type, I thought you loved ultra-white blondes lol.

I don't know why you would still love her after what she did to you. I mean, really, if she and you clicked so well but she wouldn't date you for superficial reasons and she strung you along and even may have actually been lying to you about some things (think about it. She really may have been lying about lots of things, from her excuses to that you have to be patient, other things you can think of)...I just don't see how you could love that. Maybe you will still love her for a little bit, but I think after a while it will sink in how she was not good and you will get over her.

You know I just don't get how so many people could be turned off by your weight. Lots of people think chub is cute. I do. I've known girls and guys to. I have to say once again I think it is that you go after girls of a certain type that you are attracted to and that type may be rather superficial because of how skinny and pretty they are or something. But we see skinny girls with fat guys all the time.

You know...I don't know how much you weigh, but I think that if you worked out and lost some weight...not all, but a good amount so you just look big, not like obese (again I don't know if you are obese or what), then you might have luck with the girls that you want. But I know you have some kind of...something that apparently makes you eat or gain weight? I forget what it is, but that's why working out would be good, you don't have to give up food, you just gotta work out for like an hour or more every other day or something.

Well, once again I'm very sorry, but you did get your first kiss from this experience! And now maybe you'll go out there and get more kisses and more contact, dream girl or no! And I don't think that love is about getting a dream girl. It would be nice, but I think it's mostly about you just fall in love and they fall in love back with you, and it's really the best, it's better than just having so much in common. Well that's what I think even though we all wish to have alot in common with who we love.

However, there is one thing I want to point out:

when we were actually together in person, we got along SOOO well, and we really were two of a kind. We should have both fallen instantly in love, but only I did.

REALLY now? So now you agree I may have been right when I was saying if two people are good for each other and going to be in love, it makes the most sense that they would both fall in love around the same time? It doesn't always happen, but c'mon, you guys jumped on me for saying that and now look who's saying it!

[Goliath]

I would have perhaps gone dutch on our meal

I love how we're known as cheap fucks all around the world.

I've said it before when she ended things with me in the past, but I sincerely don't see how anyone could follow this girl. The only problem was that half the time she was very into being with me, and the other half of the time she was totally the opposite. It was like trying to date two different people, [...]

Nah, that's just women.

I hate to say it, but I think I was better off with that girl at my job who made it very clear she wasn't interested in me and didn't lead me on and didn't give me false hope. I think you made the right decision of not seeing her anymore. I could say something like "there is plenty of fish in the sea" or other kind of crap, but I'm not gonna, because nobody was ever cheered up by that. So I don't know why people sytill use those clichés. What you gotta do now, is realizing what a b*tch she was for leading you on all that time and thus start to dislike her.

And watch Bill Hicks.

<iframe width="420" height="315" src="http://www.youtube-nocookie.com/embed/RvELkwatibQ" frameborder="0"></iframe>

God, I love Bill Hicks. He should still be with us.

[Elladorine]

Thanks Amy (and everyone else once again)! A month has passed and I seem to be doing ok. And if anyone feels bad for not saying anything, they shouldn't. It's not like I always know what to say when something happens to one of my friends, or if I feel like I do, I often don't know where to begin. I still have a lot to work out in my mind but it's probably best not to dwell on it. I'm still angry that one of my old friends is trying to spread rumors that I made it all up, but what can ya do? So many childish, manipulative liars in this world.

Speaking of which, I've mentioned some legal issues before. We'd planned on putting them off until after the holidays, but got distracted by the pregnancy, losing Koji, and then the miscarriage. I've just felt too emotionally unstable to go through with what needs to be done. However, I spoke with my aunt today (the one I stayed with last month) and she's urging me to continue with legal papers against my brother's ex. And in light of what's happened this past week I'm so angry and upset I could just scream. I've been taken advantage of way too long by someone that never gave a flying eff about me in the first place. Sorry for being so vague but it's probably best I don't discuss much detail in public. I mean, it's bad enough that she's using whatever she can to get between me and the kids . . .

Gah. Not that it matters what she says, she's not even family anymore. But I'm glad my aunt is keeping me up to date at least. And hearing this new information is making it easier for me to go through with the legal stuff I've been so reluctant with, especially since it may make things even more difficult for my brother and especially his kids. However, it's not my responsibility . . .

And I guess that's what's tearing me apart right now. Even if I've been the one screwed over all this time, I just want everyone to get along and for things to be set right. It's been several years and I just want to be able to put all this crap behind me so I can move on.

[Sotiris]

Nah, that's just women.

No, that's just this specific one. These generalizations ("all men are jerks, all women are bitches") need to stop.

[blackcauldron85]

Anyways, I know everyone thinks I'm an idiot for carrying things on for so long with this girl

Not. At. All. I like how you didn't give up, how you said you wouldn't unless she flat-out told you. It's so easy to give up on relationships, and it's refreshing how you were in it to see it through. That's very admirable and rare these days.

I absolutely know how wishy-washy girls can be. I can't speak for the girl you're in love with, but I know for me, sometimes you play the Pros and Cons game, or the Should we or Shouldn't we game and it's hard to sleep and think about anything else. I know that you're hurt and maybe confused and wondering why, but try to take some solace in the fact that maybe it wasn't an easy decision.

I think it's horrible when people string each other along. It's happened to me before, and in some small ways, I've done it, too. So I can't excuse her for that, but it may have been that she didn't not want to be with you, but for whatever reasons, she just felt like she couldn't right now.

I would say, though, beware of her coming back to you in the future. You need to guard your heart. She knows that she has it, so she might try playing with it, but you owe it to yourself to take things slow if she tries that. Maybe it would work out, but you'd have to be careful to not hurt yourself further.

Also, your story reminded me of someone I knew back in Florida. She didn't have her first kiss until her 40s, and they ended up getting married. So age really doesn't have anything to do with it...lots of people have poor luck (I have another friend who has had poor luck with this, too), and it's something that happens. It doesn't mean that there aren't people out there for other people- I don't believe in soulmates, I don't think I do, anyway, but I do think that everything happens for a reason, so maybe you needed to get hurt in order to someday fall head over heels in love and have someone feel that way for you.

Thank you. I'm glad you sound like you "got" them, lol. By the way I'm very glad to see you back so much! Something tells me you have your own stories to tell...

I feel like I did get them. I was very tired when I posted that last night and wasn't awake enough to post individual thoughts, but they were very sweet, and I did understand what you meant! And thank you! I've been procrastinating with homework, but it has been so good to be back here, and hopefully I'll be able to have a good balance of UD and school time! And I don't know if you meant love stories or just what I've been up to the past few months, but I reckon I could pull some stories out!

I don't know why you would still love her after what she did to you.

You can't help who you love or why you love. You can't decide to just turn it on or off. Time does heal, though.

You know I just don't get how so many people could be turned off by your weight. Lots of people think chub is cute. I do. I've known girls and guys to. I have to say once again I think it is that you go after girls of a certain type that you are attracted to and that type may be rather superficial because of how skinny and pretty they are or something. But we see skinny girls with fat guys all the time.

So, so, so true. I've dated bigger guys. My current boyfriend is a big guy. And, FYI, he didn't have a job or a car when we met, and I still fell for him. So not all girls are superficial...just saying. There are so many different types of people out there, you'll have the love you want. Just be patient.

EW, you're so strong. I'm glad you have your family to help you out through everything- it's super important to have a support system you can trust and fall back on.

[Goliath]

Nah, that's just women.

No, that's just this specific one. These generalizations ("all men are jerks, all women are bitches") need to stop.

Joke
   [johk] noun, verb, joked, jok·ing.

verb (used without object)
6.
to speak or act in a playful or merry way: He was always joking with us.
7.
to say something in fun or teasing rather than in earnest; be facetious: He didn't really mean it, he was only joking.



Or:

[slave2moonlight]

If I had been you, I wouldn't have just inferred she had a boyfriend. I would have said that if she wanted to talk, then we would. I would have perhaps gone dutch on our meal, and had that confirmation that their was no chance for us and no place in her heart for me. I know that it's pretty obvious that is the case, but I would have gotten that final confirmation. Maybe in an E-mail you can ask her about her life, or what she wanted to talk about.

I know, I prefer confirmation too. Just didn't want to see her again, because it makes it so much harder. I just did the e-mail thing a while ago, but she might never check it.

So her name was Kiki. Was she Asian? I didn't know you liked that type, I thought you loved ultra-white blondes lol.

Ha, if we wanna talk superficial stuff, I actually have two physical types that really drive me wild, the small, slightly curvy blonde type a la Tink, and the also petite but more teeny-bopper esque type a la Ariel or the younger Bruce Timm girls, as well as girls who are sorta inbetween, like Rapunzel or Anime girls, or older Bruce Timm girls,ha. and I tend to like a pinkish-pale palette with preferably natural hair color, whatever it is. Where I'm from blondes and redheads are more unusual, so they might be more striking to me, but a brunette can be just as striking really, if it's the right one. Having said that, I normally go around saying I like short blondes and redheads, to sum it up, ya know. I think I don't say I like brunettes, sometimes just as much, because they are more plentiful and I don't want people to think I am THAT easy to "set up", not that anyone has EVER tried to set me up, ha. It's sort of a buffer. However, I have never said, "I also have a thing for Asian girls," very often, because of a few reasons. I'm not sure if it's politically correct, ha, and also, I more specifically go for half Asian, half white girls. I know that sounds ridiculously specific, but they are often just soooo beautiful it's insane. There are only SOME pure Asian girls I find attractive. The ones they turn into pop stars over in Korea and Japan, ha. But, some of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen, have been girls who are half Asian. Kiki is half Korean and half white, and she couldn't possibly be more beautiful. She identifies herself as Korean more than anything. Actually, my sister says she doesn't really look Asian at all, but I think it shows somewhat (moreso in photos though, for some reason). But, anyway, so, yeah, I tend to have one secret preference I don't discuss much, right along the VERY white-girl blondes and redheads (and occasionally, brunettes), and that's girls who are half white, half Asian, ha. And there's all the deets on what I really go for in terms of physical stuff. I do want to point out though, that I was never too blown away by Kiki's beauty until I met her in person, because the photos she had shared on the dating site were not the most flattering and didn't look much like her at all (I think they were pretty old, too), and I really had started to fall in love with her already, just from our e-mails and stuff. I was blown away and even a bit worrisome probably, after I saw how beautiful she was in person. Sorta like Kristin Kreuk from season one of Smallville, only even cutesier, and always in pigtails and dressed Uber, UBER CUTE (which is my biggest turn-on) in ways I've never seen any other girls dress in real-life (possibly more common in Asian countries though). I'm surprised I wasn't MORE intimidated, but we had already talked so much online.

I don't know why you would still love her after what she did to you. I mean, really, if she and you clicked so well but she wouldn't date you for superficial reasons and she strung you along and even may have actually been lying to you about some things (think about it. She really may have been lying about lots of things, from her excuses to that you have to be patient, other things you can think of)...I just don't see how you could love that. Maybe you will still love her for a little bit, but I think after a while it will sink in how she was not good and you will get over her.

There was/is A LOT about her to love. I'm talking about her personality too, not just the physical stuff. Really, the only thing I don't like is how she never could get close to me, even though there were times I thought it was starting to happen, including out last date, with that tight hug and sweet, if not explicit at all kiss. The most frustrating thing though, was that she didn't communicate much when we weren't together in person, and she came up with a lot of excuses that, yes, sounded very fishy often, and she canceled A LOT of our dates. I stuck with it because, early on, she insisted it was just her social anxiety and for me to try and be patient with her. I don't say she lied about anything, but some things were fishy. I also don't say for sure that her problems with me were superficial, but she never offered up what they really were, and I can't think of anything else that was noticeable.

You know I just don't get how so many people could be turned off by your weight. Lots of people think chub is cute. I do. I've known girls and guys to. I have to say once again I think it is that you go after girls of a certain type that you are attracted to and that type may be rather superficial because of how skinny and pretty they are or something. But we see skinny girls with fat guys all the time.

Honestly, it may be a regional thing more than anything, because I don't see many skinny girls with fat guys in Texas or the south in general. I mainly see skinny guys with fat girls, ha. And, keep in mind, a lot of times when we see those mixes, they are married couples, and the guy was not fat when he got the girl, he just became that way later, ha. But, in my case, I was pretty close to average for years (I mean, just slightly pudgy), and my situation was no better, and I think that really hurts my motivation.

Well, once again I'm very sorry, but you did get your first kiss from this experience! And now maybe you'll go out there and get more kisses and more contact, dream girl or no! And I don't think that love is about getting a dream girl. It would be nice, but I think it's mostly about you just fall in love and they fall in love back with you, and it's really the best, it's better than just having so much in common. Well that's what I think even though we all wish to have alot in common with who we love.

I think, when you fall in love, that person becomes your dreamgirl or guy, if you feel it strong enough. But, they also usually have a lot of those qualities you wanted, or you just don't fall in love with them, naturally. The problem is, when you date a girl and fall in love with her, and it just happens she also was everything you ever wanted in your dreams, too, well, that is a very hard act to follow, even if she didn't prove to share your feelings after all. If you had moments that seemed just AMAZING, you can't forget how perfect those were, and it becomes tough to "settle" even long enough to give someone a chance who maybe isn't everything you dreamed up from first impression. Not saying its right, just saying that's the way it is. Most people probably don't get to date someone who is everything they ever wanted, so they don't encounter this issue. It was my bad luck that the first girl I ever dated just turned out to be everything I ever wanted, and her one problem was she couldn't see herself with me for some reason.

However, there is one thing I want to point out:

when we were actually together in person, we got along SOOO well, and we really were two of a kind. We should have both fallen instantly in love, but only I did.

REALLY now? So now you agree I may have been right when I was saying if two people are good for each other and going to be in love, it makes the most sense that they would both fall in love around the same time? It doesn't always happen, but c'mon, you guys jumped on me for saying that and now look who's saying it!

No, wait a minute, ha, you were always saying that it HAD to be like that every time or it wasn't true love. That was the issue I had. Basically, you fall in love with someone the more you find out about them. Often, this info doesn't come out in equal amounts, so one person falls in love before the other one. In situations where people, say, meet on a dating site, and then have that first date together, there's a lot of information exchanging going on. We talked online for an entire year before we met. We knew a lot about each other already. We had out first date, and we were both nervous during the movie, but then we got back to the diner and just clicked! It was amazing and like in a movie or something, which is why I find it so strange that she didn't feel the same as me. She even made it sound like she did afterwards, when we talked about it. In fact, she seemed so into us those first couple of weeks. In that short amount of time, we hung out a lot together. Then, all these problems started. It didn't help, of course, that I had to spend a lot of time out of town because my father was dying and my mom was getting treatments though. I can't help but wonder, if my situation had just been different... And, like BlackCauldron85 says, she may have been playing a pros and cons game. So frustrating, because you aren't given a chance to defend yourself in that decision making process...