Dear Secret Santa,
Hi, it's Scapsta Claus! Sort of like Santa Claus, but not. I really don't know how else to begin this letter and in retrospect, what I did begin with was rather boring. Oh well, at least I didn't spend a paragraph talking about raking leaves like my letter last year. Speaking of raking leaves, I never get to use the leaf blower. My dad always uses it while the rest of us use rakes. I guess because we still like playing with it. We'd be stuffing leaves in and then turning it on, hoping that "leaf blower" becomes "leaf cannon". But it's not a very good leaf cannon. I put a whiffle ball in it once and it didn't shoot very far. And there was this one year when I sat on the ground, and my brother and sister raked all the leaves around me so I looked like one giant leaf pile. Then when our mom came out, I jumped out of it in the hopes of scaring her. But she wasn't scared. She was watching from the window when they were raking the leaves around me. Poo. But anyways, enough about leaves. I should talk about something else.
If you haven't figured it out by now, this is my annual Secret Santa Letter & Wishlist. And if you haven't figured me out by now...well, you're not alone. I'll likely go off on some tangents and ramble about the craziest things, all in an effort to keep the tradition of long and hopefully funny Secret Santa letters. To save you the trouble at the end, here's a
if you read the whole thing. And if you only read this far just to get a pink elephant, then shame on you. But...if you only read this far and have yet to see a letter, I'll just say four words:
"Chronological Donald Volume Three".
It's no secret it's the only Treasure I'd really like to get. I have most of the rest that I want, and if you can't find Chronological Donald Volume Three, then a Mickey Mouse in Black & White Volume One or a Behind the Scenes at Walt Disney Studios will do. Consider those three "Wishful Thinking" as I doubt they'd be within the $20 budget.
But enough about Treasures, let's just get straight to the business. What's the most fun part about receiving a letter?
Anyone, anyone?
Anyone?
Bueller?
Bueller?
The most fun part about receiving a letter is...that it means someone wrote you a letter! That they wanted you to know what they were up to! And the best part is, technically you can't interrupt them while they're telling you. Because you're reading the letter!
Of course, you could always stop reading as a way to "interrupt" them. Or you could burn it. Or, if it were a soap opera, you'd cry "No, no, no!" then rip it up, take all the little pieces and squish them together, regret what you've done, and try to find tape to put it back together. But alas, I don't think they even do that on soap operas anymore either. Nobody writes a "Dear John" on soaps these days, they just call and leave a voicemail. Or just leave without saying goodbye.
Anyways, letter-writing really is something that should be celebrated because when you write a letter, you have to really think about what you want to say to someone, and how you want to say it. In the days before texting and e-mails and cell phones and rollover minutes we lived in the days of "We don't care, we don't have to, we're the phone company!", so most people would have preferred sending a letter from New York to California than have an expensive five minute phone conversation with someone two towns away. Then the 1984 Bell System divestiture happened and now there's a bunch of phone companies that want you to sign up with them because they can save you money! I mean, just look at the Rollover Family and those minutes that the kids always waste and the mom tries to shill on them. Saving minutes saves lives or whatever it is they say.
Over the years we've grown so reliant on phones and other ways of communicating with them that the art of letter writing has become rather lost among most people. Which is ironic since this "letter" isn't the traditional pen on paper. It's words posted on a public forum, made possible by the internet, made possible by phones. Ah well. But the idea is still the same. A letter is still a letter. Like a kiss is still a kiss, a sigh is just a sigh. The fundamental things apply as time goes by...
Now, as I said in the early part about my letter about letters, letters let you learn what other people are up to. And since it's been a year since I've written to you, Secret Santa (if you are the same Secret Santa I had last year, and in that case, "Hi, Aaron!" If not, then "Hi, New Secret Santa!"), here's what I was up to...
In January I rotated my mattresses.
In February I got sick.
In March I recovered.
In April I'm sure I did something notable.
In May I graduated.
In June I turned 24.
In July I went to Disneyland.
In August I bought "thirtysomething": Season One on DVD.
In September I cut my hair.
In October I had a job interview, but eventually didn't get the job.
In November I began writing another novel for National Novel Writing Month.
Um...I guess that's it for the year so far. It's not December yet so I obviously can't say what I did in December. I never expected my year-in-review to be so short. But nothing really exciting happened to me. And if my only highlight of August was "thirtysomething"...well, it just shows I need more pizzazz in my life.
On the plus side, the less-than-exciting life I lead in 2009 means this letter probably won't be as long as my past Secret Santa letters. So, you don't have to worry about that. Maybe I should stop writing such long Secret Santa letters. After all, if you don't know by now that
The Ten Commandments is my favourite film or that I'm crazy for "Doctor Who" and "Merlin", then you haven't been on the forum long enough or you simply haven't paid any attention to my posts. If it's the former, then welcome to UD and we hope you stay long! And if it's the latter, then I should let you know that I haven't paid attention to your posts either. So there!
(this used to be several paragraphs that talked about Christmas music,
Skipping Christmas, "Doctor Who", "Merlin", and the lack of having a paragraph about Disney. But I deleted it because I was more or less repeating what I said last year.)
Finally...mashed potatoes. Had to mention it. But I really don't like them as much as I used to. Probably because I had to keep eating them in the hospital with every meal. But it's a Thanksgiving and Christmas staple and is always mentioned in my Secret Santa letters. So, Mashed Potatoes, Mashed Potatoes, Mashed Potatoes.
Now, the moment you've been waiting (or skimming) for. It's...the wishlist!
Books:
Doctor Who: The Writer's Tale by Russell T. Davies - what better way to end the "Doctor Who" as I know it than to read all about how it was made?
Merlin Annual 2010 and
Merlin: The Complete Guide - these links are for amazon.co.uk since they're not available in the US.
Random Harvest - this link is to the Kindle Edition. I do not have a Kindle, unfortunately. But the physical book version seems to be out of print.
If you want to risk buying the book on Amazon Marketplace, or if you find a copy in a secondhand bookstore, I wouldn't mind having it.
CDs:
The Band Wagon: Original Motion Picture Soundtrack - this is extremely rare (at least in my experience) and can't be found in brick-and-mortar stores anymore. The prices on
Amazon Marketplace are ridiculously high for new copies, and this link goes straight to Rhino, who are still selling it for $16.98. (ETA: I just clicked the "Add to Cart" link on Rhino to see if it would really go, and it says the item is not currently available. Dammit!)
Jefferson Airplane: Crown of Creation and/or
Jefferson Airplane: Volunteers - these are the remastered version with bonus tracks on them. I don't care much for the albums after Volunteers (well, maybe
Bless Its Pointed Little Head), and don't really care much for Jefferson Starship either.
Gene Tierney Movies:
Of her 20 movies currently on DVD, I only have six. And while I'd like the other 14 as soon as possible, here's five that I really want over the other nine:
Son of Fury: The Story of Benjamin Blake - one of several Gene Tierney/Tyrone Power films and it's also available in Fox's
Tyrone Power Collection, which also includes
Blood and Sand,
The Black Rose,
Prince of Foxes, and
The Captain from Castile.
Heaven Can Wait: Criterion Collection - It's Criterion Collection so it'll be above the $20 budget. But this is one of Gene's best films.
Fox Horror Classics, Volume Two - this three-disc boxset contains
Dragonwyck, a Gene Tierney/Vincent Price movie that is more gothic romance rather than out-and-out horror. But it's an amazing movie. The other two movies featured in the collection are
Chandu the Magician and
Dr. Renault's Secret. It's currently $14.99 on Amazon.
Black Widow: Fox Film Noir - I haven't seen the movie yet, though it's notable as being the last noir that Gene Tierney did. It's also from her last years at Fox before she left Hollywood and admitted herself to the Harkness Pavilion in New York. She didn't 'make another film until...
Advise and Consent - her Hollywood comeback, although she only did a few more roles before retiring once again.
Doctor Who DVD:
You'd think I'd have all the ones that are out now, but there are some I still don't have, due mainly to that particular thing known as money. Along with the fact that some aren't at my local Barnes & Nobles and I don't feel like ordering them online. Given that the majority that I don't have are over the recommended $20 budget, I don't expect you to get them:
Doctor Who: The Aztecs - the first Doctor and his companions encounters the Aztecs.
Doctor Who: The Rescue / The Romans - the first Doctor, Ian, and Barbara rescue Vicki, and then meet Nero and other Romans.
Doctor Who: The War Games - the second Doctor, Jamie, and Zoe find themselves on a planet with different "war zones" devoted to different wars.
Doctor Who: The Deadly Assassin - the fourth Doctor returns to Gallifrey and wears a funny hat.
Doctor Who: Image of the Fendahl - the fourth Doctor and Leela encounter the Fendahl, a nightmarish creature from Time Lord mythology.
Doctor Who: The Key to Time Special Edition - the fourth Doctor meets Romanadvoratrelundar and the two of them (with the help of K-9) collect the six segments of the Key to Time.
Doctor Who: The Black Guardian Trilogy - the fifth Doctor and his companions elude the Black Guardian, Nyssa removes her skirt.
Doctor Who: Attack of the Cybermen - the sixth Doctor and Peri are attacked by Cybermen.
Doctor Who: Delta and the Bannermen - the seventh Doctor and Mel want to go to Disneyland, but instead end up in South Wales, and they help Delta.
Doctor Who: Battlefield - the seventh Doctor and Ace and UNIT and medieval times. BOOM!
Doctor Who: Ghost Light - the seventh Doctor and Ace muck about in some dark mansion.
Doctor Who: The Curse of Fenric - the seventh Doctor and Ace take on Fenric, an ancient evil.
Other DVDs:
Golden Boy - William Holden as a violin-playing boxer and Barbara Stanwyck as his love interest. The story was later used in an episode of "The Golden Girls" titled "Fiddler on the Ropes", when Sophia buys a Cuban prizefighter and the girls discover he boxes to earn money to go to Julliard to study the violin. Dorothy even references
Golden Boy when she notices the strange similarities.
Under the Greenwood Tree - Keeley Hawes as Fancy Day and James Murray as Dick Dewy.
Casanova: Masterpiece Theatre - David Tennant as Giacomo Casanova.
Doogie Howser, M.D.: Season Four - unfortunately it's out of print on its own (but goes for good prices on Amazon Marketplace), but in print in a four-season bundle set by Anchor Bay (I won't ask you to buy the four-season set just to give me the fourth season, though if you don't have "Doogie Howser" on DVD yet, you should!). I can't find it in stores anymore and I still can't believe I never picked it up.
I Love Lucy 50th Anniversary Special - I just never got around to buying it, even though it's still widely available. It's a perfect addition to the "I Love Lucy": The Complete Series set.
Lucy's Really Lost Moments - it's a lot of public domain material and stuff that's been repackaged by other cheap DVD companies (and VHS back in the day). But this one is the best version as it's by Legend Films, who offer colourised versions (eh) of some segments, all of them are also restored/remastered. In addition, it evens out the number of discs to "I Love Lucy": The Complete Series since the addition of the 50th Anniversary Special makes it an odd number.
Disney on DVD:
Walt Disney Treasures: The Chronological Donald, Volume Three, 1947 to 1950
Walt Disney Treasures: Behind the Scenes at the Walt Disney Studios
Walt Disney Treasures: Mickey Mouse in Black and White Volume One
Well, that's it. Again. You'll notice there are no links for "Merlin" DVDs since those are currently only in R2 and I'm stuck in R1, where they have yet to release the first season of "Merlin" on DVD. Not to worry, though, I have DVD-Rs that will tide me over until the official release.
I really don't know what else to say. So I might as well end it with the vital information, shamelessly copied from last year's letter, but without the words of Lori Beth Denberg as I'm sure she only needed to tell us once that "If you see someone drowning, it's rude to stand there trying to throw popcorn into their mouth."
Name: Albert Gutierrez
Location: Washington Township, New Jersey, USA, Earth, Solar System, Milky Way Galaxy, Current Universe, One of the many Planes of Existence. Or rather...R1 land.
State of Mind: Eh...
Occupation: Living
Age: Old Enough
Sex: Not Enough
Shirt: Large
Pants: 36
Shoes: Not if I can help it
Socks: The barer the foot, the freer the sole/soul
Boxers or Briefs: Briefs
DVD List: Here (pay no attention to WishList or OnOrder, they're a mess that I haven't been able to organise yet)
Your Secret Cindy Lou Who,
Scaps
P.S. - If you read that paragraph where I gave you a pink elephant, and you kept reading, well here's another pink elephant because you kept on reading!
And if you're my Secret Santa, congratulations! Have yet another pink elephant!
lol
