But Why ichabod?! What happened on the Island of Sodor?!
It was a sunny Day on the Island of Sodor. As Daisy pulled into the junction she found Gordon waiting with the express.
"Hullo, Daisy" said Gordon, seen any cows lately?
Daisy shuddered "Can you smell ditch water?" She said innocently.
Gordon let off steam angrilly and pulled out from the station, he didn't like being reminded of the time that he had tried to jam the turntable and slithered into a ditch.
"What are you talking about Daisy?" said her driver, you mustn't forget that even since HiT entertainment acquired the rights to this show, they've tried to irradicate all memory of the Rev W Awdry's original books and the first few seasons! You're escapdes with cows are forgotten too. To be honest I shouldn't even be here!"
"Why not?" inquired Daisy.
"Well," replied her driver. HiT entertainment seems to think that engines don't need drivers any more and can go where they want, whenever they want. You shouldn't even be here either Daisy!"
"Why ever not" said Daisy in alarm!
"Well HiT entertainment are money mad and with every new series they introduce another 12 brightly coloured characters just so they'll be more merchandise available. That means old characters even those integral to the original books and TV series have to disappear inexplicably to make way for all these new characters. Technically you should be gathering dust somewhere in a cupboard at Shepperton studios!" replied her driver.
Just then Thomas drove past his engine running nicely.
"Hang on a minute!" said Daisy, "Did the narrator just say "drove" and "His engine"? That's ridiculous we don't "drive" and Thomas doesn't have an engine, no steam train does. He doesn't have an engine, because he IS an engine!
"Yes," said her driver. "That's right. But HiT entertainment put so little effort into accuracy these days, they couldn't give a monkeys how accurate the crap they write is!"
"That's awful," Daisy replied "He looks Different too, so clean and shiny and toy like."
"Well," replied her driver, "Unlike in the original book and TV series and in real life where engines are a bit grubby, nowadays the more the model in the TV series resembles the model on the shelves the better! You remember the old days, don't you Daisy. Back in the eighties and early 90s when before a scene the make up people would dust you over with coal dust to make it look like you were part of the environment and you actually did some work and didn't look like a toy?
"Of course I do," she replied. "It would be stupid to expect me to pull milk wagons and carry passengers through towns, shunting yards and the countryside without being a bit a grimy!"
"Hang on," Dasiy added, "Did my eyes deceive me or was Thomas pulling pink trucks filled with cocoa powder?"
"Yes, yes. You're quite correct" her driver frowned. "HiT entertainment have again decreased the integrity and beliveability of our island by having every episode featuring a mindless task with toy like nonsense.
"But that cocoa powder wasn't in bags or boxes," Daisy fumed "it was just lying in the trucks, open to the air! I mean those trucks could have had anything in them, I mean it's not hygenic and what if it rains? It would be ruined!"
"Again," sympathised her driver, "This is the nonsense HiT have inflicted upon us."
Just then Thomas pulled past again with a line of trucks filled with china dolls.
"There he goes again," said Daisy's driver. "He's probably been sent off to make some orphans happy or something. Every week it's something inane."
"What!" excalimed Daisy. "Thomas is in every week's episode?
"Unfortunately Daisy," her driver started bitterly. "HiT entertainment insists on having Thomas around at all times in every episode."
"But he never used to be," said Dasiy "There used to be tons of stories where Thomas was completely absent altogether. If fact that's the reason I came to this island in the first place. Thomas had been sent away for replairs and I came to replace him. He was gone for ages! Don't people remember that?
"Don't forget Daisy," her driver reminded, "HiT don't talk about the Awdry stories or the original seasons anymore, and when they do they usually get it completely wrong."
"But," added Daisy hopefully, "If they brought me back, maybe they could mention the past a bit?"
"I wouldn't count on it." Daisy's driver said. "You're not politically correct anymore. They'd say a female engine with eyelashes and eyeshadow like yours was a stereotype and that wouldn't be allowed nowadays on Sir Topham Hatt's railway."
"Who in the name of hell is Sir Topham Hatt?" Daisy spluttered.
"Oh, well what with the current climate and all and the touchiness of Americans, we can't call him the Fat Controller anymore." her driver replied.
"What a crock of s***! Daisy exclaimed.
Just then Thomas steamed past again pulling some trucks full of medical supplies.
"What, he's pulling those for?" Daisy asked.
"Well each week Sir Topham Hatt gives Thomas a task like finding buried Treasure, helping a little lost deer or stopping terrorists," her driver started, "and no matter how dumb or unrealistic the task is, Thomas always succeds. So given his success rate, Sir Topham Hatt has probably asked him to find a cure for cancer this episode!"
Just then two engines appeared. One had brown face and the other was bright pink engine. The engine with the brown face was called Anwar and had been brought to the island of Sodor because asians had accussed Sir Topham Hatt of not being an equal opportunities employer.
The pink engine had no name because she had been created just so there would be another model on the market and it had already been decided this would be her one and only brief appearance. And taking the time to think of a name was was seen as an unnecessary task.
"Hello said Daisy" in a friendly manner.
"Ugh" replied the other two engines. "Horrible diesel, you keep away from us!"
Daisy was shocked , but her driver explained. "You see Daisy, HiT have started this whole "Steamies Vs Diesels" thing where Steam engines and diesels hate each other.
"I'm off you horrible smelly diesel, You're different to me and I don't like you." said Anwar and he left the station.
"You know it doesn't make sense. If HiT entertainment want to be politically correct and represent different people all living together in harmony, why would they set steam engines and diesels against each other based upon the fact they are not the same as each other, when it so obviously is full of racial overtones of prejudice and lack of acceptance?"
"This is Hit entertainment!" her driver said, "This is the company that had an episode where Thomas was tied to a giant inflatable snowman that he pulled along the line. Do you honestly expect them to think about something like that in depth?"
"It's silly though!" Daisy exclaimed "Steam engines have been friends with diesels for ages! Why in the books Thomas and me ran together on the same branch for years!" And BoCo is one of the friendlist diesels you could meet!"
"You're forgetting again that no one pays attention to the original stories anymore" her driver put in.
"Who is BoCo?" asked the unnamed pink engine!
Daisy was horrified!
Her driver tried to explain, "BoCo has been gone too long, kids today probably don't even know who he is! Like some other characters that disappeared without explanation, just like you."
"But there's hope isn't there?" Daisy wailed. "He and I could come back couldn't we?"
"Probably not it would take too much explaining." Said her driver. "After all if BoCo appeared a 10 year absence and they tried to make kids believe he'd been there all along, just off on a job or in the shed for all that time, they'd never buy it."
"Is there no hope for me at all?" Daisy asked.
"Well there is one thing," her driver began. "If we painted you blue, renamed you Butch and pretended you were a new character who is a lesbian, if may just tick one of HiT's "social acceptance" boxes."
But just then a giant hand loomed over Daisy.
"How did she get out of the cupboard?" A voice said, "And what's this little human in blue with "driver" written on his hat for? Why would an engine need a driver?"
As Daisy was placed on a dusty shelf, the cupboard door slowly began to close. She had a last glimpse of the light before she was immersed in darkness, and she knew it would be many years before she saw the light again.