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The Films of 2013: Ranked and Reviewed

The Films of 2013: Ranked and Reviewed header

Page 2: Middle of the Pack

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Worst Movies of 2013 | Middle of the Pack (#150-76) | Top 75 Movies of 2013

Friends Paul Doyle (Dwayne Johnson), Daniel Lugo (Mark Wahlberg), and Adrian Doorbal (Anthony Mackie) are prepared to do bad things in Michael Bay's "Pain & Gain."

Not All Bad

150. Pain & Gain -
Give Michael Bay credit for doing something different, but this dark comedy based on real crime is in poor taste and pretty disgusting. Full Special Collector's Edition Blu-ray Review

149. Snitch - A Dwayne Johnson vehicle intended to open our hearts and minds to drug law reform.

148. Emperor - Some glaring dramatic flaws hinder this bilingual American-Japanese World War II drama.

147. A.C.O.D. - Very few laughs come from a cast full of ordinarily enjoyable actors. Full Blu-ray Review

146. Killing Season - If you can get past Travolta's Serbian accent and De Niro's inconsistent Southern twang, you'll find... this mano a mano woods showdown is still ridiculous, but oddly watchable. Full Blu-ray Review

Anton Marvelton (Steve Buscemi) and Burt Wonderstone (Steve Carell) perform their long-running show "A Magical Friendship!" in "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone."

145. Hell Baby - Hit and miss horror comedy from "Reno 911!" creators is better than it looks. Full Blu-ray Review

144. Runner Runner - Uninspired Costa Rica gambling thriller does nothing to distinguish itself.

143. The Incredible Burt Wonderstone - Though not the disaster it performed as or looked like, it's not too much better than that. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

142. Oldboy - Undoubtedly suffers from comparisons to the revered original South Korean film, but this revenge fantasy is also twisted, ludicrous, and sadistic.

141. Free Birds - Thanksgiving deserves better than this turkey CGI comedy. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

In "Jack the Giant Slayer," giants live up to their reputation for devouring human beings.

140. The Gatekeepers - Oscar-nominated documentary about Israeli security service failed to hold my interest.

139. War Witch - Canadian Oscar nominee about African child warrior doesn't seem to have a point beyond discomforting and dejecting. Full DVD Review

138. Lovelace - Depressing biopic's suitable change of gears nonetheless leaves it resembling a Lifetime movie. Full Blu-ray Review

137. Escape Plan - Occasional flicker of creativity makes it a little easier to accept the facts that Sly and Arnold refuse to act their age and speak clearly.

136. Jack the Giant Slayer - It's tough to stay invested in this bland, effects-driven fantasy adventure. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

135. Touchy Feely - Fairly absorbing character study.

134. Mama - Falls apart in the end, but after generating some supernatural intrigue. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

133. Greetings from Tim Buckley - A decent story and fine performances don't quite add up to anything special. Full DVD Review

Sometimes, good guys have to rob a bank, as The Lone Ranger (Armie Hammer) and Tonto (Johnny Depp) demonstrate in Disney's "The Lone Ranger."

132. Stoker - That this drama could garner so much notice for so little reflects the admiration that follows South Korean director Chan-wook Park (Oldboy).

131. Big Sur - A noble attempt to adapt a Kerouac novel rightly deemed unfilmable. Full DVD Review

130. The Fifth Estate - Pale attempt to give WikiLeaks The Social Network treatment. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

129. Frozen Ground - It has its problems, but not enough to warrant its essentially direct-to-video approach.

128. The Square - Satisfactorily documents, without ever clearly explaining, the ongoing revolution in Egypt.

127. The Lone Ranger - A new would-be franchise gets more of the same from the increasingly tiresome Jerry Bruckheimer, Johnny Depp, and Gore Verbinski. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

A Mixed Bag

Dom Toretto (Vin Diesel) and Brian O'Conner (Paul Walker) are back in business as the leaders of a team asked to break up a crime ring in "Fast & Furious 6."

126. Computer Chess - Hotel-set tale of a 1980 computer chess tournament shot on period video camera is bizarre and amateurish yet creative.

125. Fast & Furious 6 - Better than you'd expect such an old, unpromising franchise to offer, but the action grows tedious. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

124. Pacific Rim - Well, Guillermo del Toro's giant robot action film has more to it than Transformers. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

123. Carrie - An adequate but super unnecessary remake.

122. The Invisible Woman - Nicely made, though not terribly captivating.

121. Olympus Has Fallen - A perfectly adequate B-movie about defending the President and White House against terrorists. Who needed another film just like it?! Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

Kenny (Will Poulter), Casey (Emma Roberts), David (Jason Sudeikis), and Rose (Jennifer Aniston) comprise the Millers, a pretend family on a dangerous border-crossing business trip.

120. Beautiful Creatures - One of the year's biggest flops is quite a bit better than the other
supernatural teen romance series everyone likened it to. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

119. Upstream Color - A film so genius you can barely watch it, let alone understand it.

118. We're the Millers - It has some laughs, though not enough to make sense of its leggy box office success. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

117. Turbo - Racing comedy is derivative and about a decade behind the times.

116. Unfinished Song - Story of elderly singers competing is part corny, part sweet.

115. Grudge Match - More watchable than some old men comedies, but does its seasoned cast few favors. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

114. Admission - A fairly standard but somewhat literate comedy that owes much of its modest charm to its likable leads. Full Movie Review

113. Arthur Newman - Hardly anyone saw or cared about this okay dramedy starring Colin Firth and Emily Blunt as Americans reinventing themselves. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

112. Renoir - France's Oscar-submitted portrait of artist, son and model is fine but suprisingly pedestrian.

111. Jayne Mansfield's Car - Billy Bob Thornton's directorial return has character. Full Blu-ray Review

In "Dark Skies", Lacy (Keri Russell) and Daniel Barrett (Josh Hamilton) have their sleep disturbed on a number of early summer nights.

110. Violet & Daisy - James Gandolfini's death gives this teen girl assassin duo action comedy real emotional weight. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

109. Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters - Mediocre sequel makes a flimsy case for this franchise to continue. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

108. Paradise - Unsurprisingly, Diablo Cody's directorial debut about a sheltered Christian burn victim's not so wild night in Las Vegas doesn't warrant the vitriol the Internet (or rather the few parts that even noticed) gave it. Full Blu-ray Review

107. Dark Skies - An unremarkable but involving sci-fi twist on family haunting. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

106. Standing Up - Sensible young adult novel adaptation deserves a bigger audience than it received in very limited release. Full DVD Review

Sandy, Ugga, Eep, Thunk, and Gran are surprised to find Grug and Guy working together in "The Croods."

105. The Croods - Mediocre DreamWorks 'toon doesn't quite work as either slapstick romp or family drama/adventure. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

104. All Is Lost - A noble exercise but one completely devoid of meaning and entertainment value.
Boiled down to such extremes with an unknown character who hardly speaks, storytelling becomes dreadfully boring.

103. The Sapphires - A little too formulaic to sit well with you, this middle-of-the-road indie crowd-pleaser might be best remembered for its whitewashed marketing imagery. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

102. The Bling Ring - An interesting true story about celebrity-obsessed culture somehow gets lost in Sofia Coppola's uneven latest effort. Full Movie Review

101. Don't Stop Believin': Everyman's Journey - Fun yet overlong documentary on Journey's YouTube-discovered current lead singer. Full DVD Review

100. The Last Stand - Arnold comeback flop is an unexpectedly competent (but very violent) action thriller.

99. Charlie Countryman - The high ups and low downs make this more distinctive than its mediocre rating suggests. Full Movie Review

98. The Wolverine - A noble but not terribly interesting attempt to do something different with the X-Men character.

Imogene Duncan (Kristen Wiig) is about to lose her boyfriend (Brian Petsos), her job, her home, and her mind in "Girl Most Likely."

97. Insidious: Chapter 2 - A fun yet forgettable thrill ride, much in the vein of the first film. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

96. Ain't Them Bodies Saints - A striking but aloof independent film.

95. Rush - A serviceable true racing drama.

94. Thanks for Sharing - A thoughtful but spotty look at addictions.

93. Girl Most Likely - Quirky indie makes good use of Kristen Wiig. Full Blu-ray Review

92. The Painting - Animated French film is Toy Story for artwork, though not nearly as charming or entertaining. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

91. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty - Well-intentioned and kind of sweet, but rarely funny and never as moving as it's meant to be. Full Movie Review

Gloria and Cecil Gaines (Oprah Winfrey and Forest Whitaker) don't see eye to eye with their son's civil rights activism in "Lee Daniels' The Butler."

90. Lee Daniels' The Butler - Noble intentions are soured by rampant fictionalization and questionable presidential depictions. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

89. Ender's Game - Relatively well-made thinking sci-fi lacks an obvious audience.

88. Shadow Dancer - Dry yet well-acted IRA drama is marred by random ending and quickly forgotten. Full Blu-ray Review

87. Sweetwater - A dark, occasionally violent, and surprisingly substantial western. Full Blu-ray Review

86. Broken - Contemporary British update on To Kill a Mockingbird is an interesting downer. Full DVD Review

With military choppers behind him, Superman (Henry Cavill) presents himself to Zod as demanded in "Man of Steel."

85. The Act of Killing - A bold, appalling, and powerful portrait of unrepentant gangsters who murdered masses of suspected communists in the 1960s for Indonesia's military government.

84. Wish You Were Here - Engrossing nonlinear Australian drama.

83. The Iran Job - American basketball player abroad makes for okay culture shock study. Full DVD Review

82. Twenty Feet from Stardom - Celebration of back-up singers felt kind of slight even before it won the Best Documentary Oscar. Full Blu-ray Review

81. The Kings of Summer - An appealing though far-fetched comedy about teenage boys fending for themselves in the woods. Full Blu-ray Review

80. Man of Steel - Trying so hard to be different, this reboot falls short of the tall expectations to succeed Nolan's Batman series. Despite some good moments, the endless action-packed finale sinks it. Full Blu-ray + DVD Review

The quartet (Billy Connolly, Maggie Smith, Tom Courtenay, and Pauline Collins) of "Quartet" is reunited, but their gala performance is left to our imagination.

79. Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues - Underwhelming follow-up to a modern-day classic is disappointingly slipshod for having taken so long to come to fruition.
Hoping it improves on a second viewing.

78. Salinger - Captivating though not so profound portrait of the recluse as a young and old man.

77. Terms and Conditions May Apply - Death of privacy documentary unsettles while staying lively.

76. Quartet - This Dustin Hoffman-directed British retirement home comedy is feel-good entertainment that performed well despite minimal award recognition in its 2012 qualifying runs. Full Blu-ray Review

Continue: Top 75 >>

Jump to a Page:
Worst Movies of 2013 | Middle of the Pack (#150-76) | Top 75 Movies of 2013

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Posted December 31, 2013. Updated August 18, 2014.



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